He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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