Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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