somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
