and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
