you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
