You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
