FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
