wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
