apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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