I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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