you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
