Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
