she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
whose ass print is on the piano?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
