i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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