Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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