She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
