I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
