I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize