What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
