hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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