i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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