these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
