i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's rum buckets o'clock
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize