one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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