Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
