This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
