Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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