Apparently you make a good broom.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize