That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
