i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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