They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
