is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
