hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it hurts more in the daytime
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
