Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
