A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
