literally had 100 drinks last night.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
