I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
