i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
