Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
