i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
