he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
