non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
