Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
