Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
