Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
