She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
