i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
