why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
