So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize