What a fucking waste of an outfit
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
