The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
