Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
