You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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