she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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