So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
two words...techno handjob
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
