I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
