Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
