hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
