im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
