He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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