I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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