and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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