Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
