You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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