I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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