I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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