he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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