I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize