Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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