what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize